If you are the oldest one here, some of this has landed on you. That is not fair and nobody chose it.
You might not feel old enough for this. You probably are not. Being the oldest in the room is not the same as being ready, and nobody is pretending otherwise.
Read this bit first: you are not in charge of fixing this. You cannot make the grown-ups come back and it is not your job to. You are not expected to make big decisions, work out what happens next, or keep everything running. Your job is much smaller and much more doable. Keep everyone safe, keep everyone together, and stay easy to find. That is all.
Looking after a younger child is the job
It can feel like babysitting is getting in the way of the real work. It is the real work.
A younger child who is calm, warm and fed is safe. A younger child who is frightened and left alone is the thing most likely to go badly wrong, because they wander off, or they try to help by doing something dangerous.
So: keeping them close, keeping them occupied and keeping them calm is the job. It is not a distraction from it.
What to read out, and what to keep to yourself
Read out to them:
- Where you are both going and when.
- That somebody is coming to find you.
- Anything they have to actually do: stay in this room, put this jumper on, drink this.
- The rules that keep them safe: no going outside on your own, no touching the cooker, no going near water.
Do not read out:
- Any of the pages about what might have happened to the grown-ups.
- Anything you are worried about but are not sure of.
- Your own guesses about what is going on.
If they ask a question you do not know the answer to, the best answer is the true one: "I don't know yet." You do not have to make something up, and you do not have to promise things you cannot promise.
If they ask whether Mum and Dad are coming back, you can say that people are looking, that someone who knows you will come, and that until then you are staying together. All of that is true.
Keeping a small child going
- Keep them where you can see them. Same room, always.
- Give them jobs. Little useful ones. Holding the torch. Passing you things. Counting the bottles. Being useful helps them far more than being looked after does.
- Keep to a routine. Meals at roughly the same times. Bed at roughly the same time. Routine is what makes a strange situation feel less strange.
- Let them be upset. You do not have to cheer them up or stop them crying. Sitting with them is enough.
- Feed them before you feed yourself, and check they actually ate it.
- At bedtime, stay with them until they are asleep. It costs you nothing and it is the thing they will remember.
If the little one is ill
Being sick, or having a bad tummy, is common when everything has changed all at once. Most of the time it passes on its own.
The thing that matters is drinking. Small sips, often, works far better than a big drink they cannot keep down. Keep offering every few minutes, even if a lot of it comes straight back up.
Try 999 again, even if it did not work last time, if any of these happen:
- They go floppy and very sleepy, and are hard to wake up properly.
- They are struggling to breathe, or breathing very fast.
- They have a rash that does not fade when you press a glass against it.
- They have not had a wee all day.
- They will not drink anything at all.
None of that means you have done something wrong. It just means the job has changed from waiting to asking, and you are allowed to ask as many times as you want.
Look after yourself too
You cannot do any of this if you are exhausted.
Eat properly. Drink water. Sleep when they sleep, even in the day.
If you feel like crying, do it. You can do it where they cannot see if you would rather, but do not spend all your energy holding it in. You are allowed to be upset about this. Being upset does not stop you being the sensible one.
This is temporary
You have not been promoted and this is not your new life.
An adult will take this back off you. Somebody who knows you is coming, and when they get here, this stops being yours to carry.
Until then, small things, one at a time. Warm, fed, together, findable. That is the whole list.
If you need more detail
Everything the grown-ups use is still in this app and you can read any of it. The water pages, the food pages and the scenario cards are all written for adults, but they are not secret and you may need them.
Read them for information. Do not take them as permission: the short list on Staying safe and warm still applies to you, especially the one about never lighting anything indoors.