This page is for someone else to read out loud to a small child. If you are the older one, this is your script.
A young child does not need the plan. They need to know they are not alone, what is happening next, and three rules. That is all. Everything else is your job to carry, not theirs.
Say this to them
Read it slowly. Say it again whenever they ask, however many times they ask. Repeating it is not a problem, it is the point.
The grown-ups are not here right now.
I am staying with you. I am not going anywhere.
Somebody who knows us is coming to find us. We are going to wait here for them.
While we wait, we are going to stay warm and have something to eat and stay together.
If they ask when, do not invent a time. Say: "I don't know exactly when. But they are coming, and we are staying right here so they can find us."
If they ask whether the grown-ups are alright, and you do not know, say: "I don't know yet. As soon as I know, I will tell you."
Do not promise anything you cannot be sure of. If it turns out not to be true, they will remember that you said it, and next time they will not believe you.
The three rules they need
Everything else is yours to manage. These are the only rules a small child needs to hold in their head.
Say them, get them to say them back, and check again the next day.
1. Stay with me. Do not go outside on your own. Not into the garden, not next door, not anywhere.
2. Do not touch anything hot or sharp. No cooker, no matches, no candles, no knives. Come and get me instead.
3. If you cannot see me, shout for me and stay still. Do not go looking. I will come to you.
That is genuinely all. Do not add more rules. Three is about what a small child can actually hold on to when they are frightened, and adding a fourth pushes one of these out.
Things that help more than you would think
- Keep them busy. Small useful jobs. Holding the torch, passing you things, counting the bottles, tidying one corner. Being helpful settles a child faster than being comforted does.
- Keep the same routine. Meals at roughly the same times, bed at roughly the same time, same room. Routine makes a strange day feel less strange.
- Their own things matter. A familiar toy, blanket or teddy is not a treat, it genuinely helps. Get it from the go-bag or fetch it from their room.
- Let them be upset without fixing it. You do not have to cheer them up. Sitting next to them and not going away is enough.
- Answer the same question again. Small children ask the same thing over and over when they are worried. Each time you answer calmly, it helps a bit more.
- Stay with them until they are asleep. It costs you nothing and it is what they will remember about this.
They will copy you, not listen to you
A small child works out how worried to be by watching the biggest person in the room. That is you now.
You do not have to pretend to be happy, and you should not, because they will spot it. Calm is enough. Doing the next small thing, one at a time, and not seeming panicked, does more for them than anything you say.
If you need to cry or be angry, that is completely fine, and you are allowed to do it out of the room if you would rather they did not see. Then come back.
If they will not eat
Very common when a child is upset. Do not force it.
Get fluids into them first, that matters far more in the short term than food. Small drinks, often.
Then try small amounts of things they like rather than a proper meal. Something sweet is fine for now. Getting anything in beats getting the right thing in.
If they have not eaten anything at all by the next day, keep offering every hour or so without making it a battle.